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New Public Toilet For Newtownstewart
Horns were blaring through the historic village of Newtownstewart tonight after the Tyrone County Council (TCC) announced they have granted permission to erect a public toilet in the centre of the Main...
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Thousands Flock To Newtownstewart To See Woman In Shower
Yvonne, before the visions started Tens of thousands of men and the odd woman flocked to Newtownstewart yesterday after news spread of visions at a house on the Moyle Road. Former Newtownstewart...
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Gortin Robin Hood Remains A Mystery
Gortin Robin Hood this morning The identity of a man who robs visitors to Gortin to give back to the people of his village is still clouded in secrecy after a lucrative Christmas period saw locals...
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Glenelly Fight Night Still Raging, Two Weeks On
The Glenelly Boxing By The River Fight Night, originally staged at the Mellon Country Hotel last weekend, is still raging on as four bouts have yet to witness a knock-out or retirement. Eight boxers...
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Newtownstewart U12 Manager Furious At Man Utd Snub
Newtownstewart hair-dryer treatment Following the retirement of Alex Ferguson, coupled with Man Utd’s search for a new manager, Kirk McConnell was devastated to find out his application form was...
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People Queued Up For 5 Hours in Newtownstewart For Nothing
Queue to nowhere A 3-mile long queue in Newtownstewart turned out to be pointless, after a 5-hour wait for whatever it was they were meant to be queuing for ended quietly at 3pm this evening. 23 people...
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‘Yes’ To Be Phased Out In Tyrone. No-One Uses It.
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE A proposal released by Dungannon & South Tyrone Council has confirmed that the word ‘yes’ has fallen out of popular usage in the county, and will be replaced by number of...
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GAA Playing Animals Come Forward In Droves. Epidemic Level Of Fowl Play.
Derrytresk Goat, this morning The news that a dog has been togging out for the successful Ardboe minor team has encouraged a flood of other animals to come forward and admit they have been playing...
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Remarkable Series Of Protests In Coalisland Between Psychic and Church
Coalisland hit the international news circuit this week when the cast and crew of Fr Ted found themselves caught up in a series of protests and counter protests in the town. The shenanigans revolves...
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UN Peacekeeping Forces Rejoice At Derrytresk Relegation
UN forces ‘on the tear’ Hervé Ladsous, the United Nations Under-Secretary-General for Peacekeeping Operations, admitted today that his committee ‘went on the rip’ in Brussels after it emerged...
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Annual Newtownstewart Family Game Of Monopoly Grows Increasingly Hostile
Cuttin up rough in Newtownstewart SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE A family’s annual ritual of Monopoly over the festive period came close to escalating into violence last night. Brothers Dominic, Gary, and Tommy...
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Storms Blew Things Across Atlantic To Tyrone Including Old People
Pensioners take off from States With the news that a Canadian bird has landed in a lough in Tyrone after been forced over by storms, more people have come forward with other artefacts blown from across...
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Family At War Over Facebook Likes
James A Newtownstewart family were said to be permanently divided after a Facebook comment about someone’s transfer test result descended into threats and people unliking comments. The innocuous status...
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Biting On The Rise In County Since Suarez Incident
In another example of the power of television having an effect on its audience, the PSNI have reported a 500% rise in biting in the county since the news broke of Uruguayan hungry-man Luis Suarez’s...
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Newtonstewart School Confirms School Holidays Extended All The Way To Christmas
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE A headmaster of a school in Newtonstewart today denied that an extension in the school summer holidays until nearly Christmas was influenced by the stress of the job....
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People Queued Up For 5 Hours in Newtownstewart For Nothing
Queue to nowhere A 3-mile long queue in Newtownstewart turned out to be pointless, after a 5-hour wait for whatever it was they were meant to be queuing for ended quietly at 3pm this evening. 23 people...
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GAA Playing Animals Come Forward In Droves. Epidemic Level Of Fowl Play.
Derrytresk Goat, this morning The news that a dog has been togging out for the successful Ardboe minor team has encouraged a flood of other animals to come forward and admit they have been playing...
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